Change

I think it’s inevitable. Things, people, life never stay the same. It takes just one moment to make you realise all this, and that one moment can make you ridiculously happy or horribly sad and empty.

Maybe you’re dying for a change, for something different, or maybe change is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you. There could be a balance of both. I think I’ve come to a stage where things can never be the same. As I get older, I have come to realise that life goes on, that people and situations change.

What I do now is only one stepping stone in life. Soon, everything will change and my days will be undoubtedly different. This scares me, but also excites me. Priorities change as you get older, as does the way you spend your time. People come and people go.

I think I’m ready for this change. I’m not sure why I’ve decided this right now. No, that’s a lie. I do know why, but I’m not writing it. This is something personal. I wish I wanted things to stay the same forever, and some days I really do. Some days this is ll I ever want and I’m the happiest person in the world.

But I think I’m moving on to a different way of thinking. The people could still remain, just in a different way. Maybe everyone will leave, and new people will come along. I haven’t got the faintest idea. All I know is that change has to happen or this current situation will become far too unhealthy. Maybe it already has.

Maybe she was right all along. When we thought she was wrong, she could have been way ahead of us all.

Perhaps everyone else is still happy. Perhaps they have what they want. Is it that I want something else. something more? Am I destined to break away, to find that independence I crave? Or it could just be a phase. I hope it is, but deep down I know this feeling will always be there, and try as I might to ignore it, it will always be in the way, until that day when I take a leap and reach for what I truly want.

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The day after Stephen’s Day..

I hate it. It’s always the day we come home from Christmas in Tralee and it’s one of those awful days spent packing and travelling. It’s not like I was mad to stay in Tralee or anything. Aside from the fact that it isn’t the greatest of towns, I hate being away from home and not having your stuff with you. Stupidly enough, I left my ‘packing’ ti five minutes before we ran out the door, when I threw some random clothes and my straightener into a big H&M carrier bag. Yes I am very unprepared.

Even if you do have everything with you, you still have to go rooting through your bag to find whatever you want. And another thing about staying with someone else is that you don’t really have your own space. Whereas we slept in my aunt’s house, we spent the days and evenings in my grandmother’s house so it was a bit all over the place. And I didn’t have a bedroom in the gaff where we were most of the time. Fourteen people with only a kitchen, a living room and a dining room means it’s a bit of a tight squeeze when it comes to soap watching time.

Speaking of which, don’t you just want to shoot the television? I know I am probably one of very, very few teenagers who would agree with this statement, but I am not a television watcher. So having to sit down and watch hours upon hours of people with British accents fighting over the turkey is something I dread.

My dad tried to drive home yesterday to feed the dogs and hens and whatnot, but couldn’t get out of Killarney because the road was closed due to the TREACHEROUS conditions. See how even more dangerous they sound when capitalised? So he rang my cousin who said he’d go out once he’d dropped my other nana to A&E because she broke her wrist on the ice. Thanks Owen for doing all that. 🙂

One of the doggies is very sick. He’s the newest addition to the family and has been getting sick for a few weeks. We changed his diet, and that helped for a little while, but then he started getting sick again. So the we got drugs from the vet, but still no use. He’s gotten so thin now and is always really tired and we’re so worried about him. Vet tomorrow morning bright and early though, so fingers crossed.

Town tomorrow for a peep round the shops, a coffee and a chat. Home’s nice too.

Written on 25/12/09 at c.13.00

We’re driving along, currently between Killarney and Farranfore. My dad has his left arm in a sling, and is driving the car with the other hand. I had a major crying jag earlier when we were about 10 minutes down the road because I thought I was going to die. Not that there’s still no chance of that happening. Still plenty of road to go and the like…

My aunt left half an hour before us in her front-wheel drive and we’ve just caught up to her in my dad’s automatic Merc. I wanted to turn around earlier so , so much. I  was terrified that we were going to crash. Our driveway was seriously bad and my dad thought we wouldn’t even make it out the gate. Then we had to go down to the neighbours so I slowly made it up the driveway with the biscuits and booze while my brother just went sliding down. Two wet feet later I was back in the car for another slide up the road. Then we got to the bypass and the tears came flowing forward.

I told my parents I just wanted to turn around, and could we not just go home. I saw absolutely no point whatsoever in risking our lives on treachorous roads so that we could spend Christmas in boggerland.

To be quite honest I thought it was horribly selfish of my mother to insist we went on just so she could spend Christmas with her family. I nearly told them everything then. Because when you think about it, they know nothing about my life, or who I am. I am 17 years old and I have my whole life ahead of me and felt I shouldn’t have to throw it all away so I could celebrate some commercialised holiday with people I rarely see. But we kept going.

Then we met an ambulance coming towards us and that set me off again. My mum’s friend’s fiancé was killed along that very stretch of road so I kinda didn’t feel like tempting fate.

We’re listening to Adrian Crowley’s album that Albert picked out and my friends bought for me in Plugd for the ol’ birthday. The mother loves it. She’s telling me to bring it into the kitchen an’all. That’s a huge compliment. Must tell Albert. I hope they’ll like their Bon Iver CD I got them for Christmas…

This blog post is very, very all over the place and I don’t really know what I set out to write about, or what you’ve even gotten from it. It’s a tad difficult to type as I’m turned sideways to hide the screen rom the brother, and said brother won’t shut up, and there’s also the never-ending terror that we’re going to slide right off the road.

Just passed a sign for Listowel. Jim’s probably down there for Christmas. It’s nice how some things change and others stay the same over the course of a year.

Nollaig shona daoibh go léir. Hope it’s a good one, and here’s to a successful blog next year, along with a hopefully amazing 2010 in general. Thank you for reading. 🙂

Happiness is…

…right now. This. Happy happy happy!

Town was so so so nice today. None of my friends were in, and I only had two hours while my mother rushed around on her one disc, but it was lovely.

I went to Plugd first. I had a little look around. There was a DJ set going on so nice vibe about the place, but then again, there always is. I thanked Albert for his little message on the back of the CD cover, and had a chat at the counter. Then he handed me an Adam Green album, completely sealed in plastic, and said ‘You like him, right? Happy Christmas.’ So that made me happy. And I wished him a merry Christmas also, and went on my way. Like two hours is pretty short, y’know…

I really wanted a big chunky cardigan for over this dress I have so I headed to H&M first. Found a few there so I tried ’em on and I absolutely loved one. Kinda thought my mother wouldn’t like it so I hid it with a grey long sleeved top I liked and arranged to meet her there later on. I kinda don’t know what I did for a while, but went back to H&M at some stage to show her the cardigan, and SHOCK HORROR she liked it. I was seriously surprised because she usually only likes fitted things and this is pretty much as baggy as you can get.

So I went and bought it. €40 down to €20. And the guy at the counter was so nice! He had a Santa hat on and a Christmas tee and was asking me was I all ready and whatnot. We were chatting away and I told him I was going down to Kerry and it was just nice. I departed as we wished each other a merry Christmas. All shop assistants should be like that.

And then I practically ran up to my favourite coffee place in the town and had to resort to a coffee to go. When I got to the counter they were like ‘Americano?’ . ‘Of course, but it has to be to go today.’ I’d say they nearly died on the spot. And as a little Christmas present they gave me an extra stamp on my loyalty card so my next coffee is free! Woo!

Then as I rushed back to the car to meet my mother I bumped into so many lovely people, all along the one street. I had short but seriously sweet conversations with folks I could have spent hours with. It’s nice to meet nice people. That’s it, nothing else, just nice.

It was a beautiful day. And it made me realise how many million times better local businesses are than commercial chains.

Nollaig shona daoibh go léir!

Birthdays and Christmas Eves..

Yes, my house does look just like this right now..

Well, one of each actually. ‘Twas the ol’ birthday yesterday, hence the lack of blogging. That’s my excuse anyway. I just went to town with the mother and did some Christmas shopping. Town was really quite stressful. I can honestly say I hate HMV. It was packed. Absolutely packed. You couldn’t browse for music and films and such, but just queue up. I hate that shop for personal reasons, so I searched everywhere for red Skullcandy earphones, but to no avail, so I ended up buying them there, along with being asked to buy a Michael Bublé CD by a man for some young boy who was there with him but wasn’t his. I didn’t. It was weird.

I then purchased various other Christmas presents, and met my friends for coffee. Eventually at 3.20pm I decided to check if the Motor Tax office was open so I could go get all licensed up, so I asked in Coffee Roasters for a phonebook but they didn’t have one. The guy there was so nice and he went to look it up on the computer for me but I was like nah I’ll just call 11811. ‘Sall good! But then when I did get through I was told the Tax Office was closing at 4, so realistically a bus would not get me out there on time if I had to get my photo taken beforehand. So I rang the rents, but they were no use. But when I was standing outside on the phone my aunt drove past and gave me €7 out the window for coffee. How bad.

I got lots and lots of nice Happy Birthday texts, aswell as some FB Wall action, and a few face-to-face greetings too. We were sitting in the window of Coffee Roasters talking away when someone stopped outside the window, waved at me, then mouthed ‘Happy Birthday’ through the window. It was Toby, home for Christmas, and it made me smile. He was with his mother so I couldn’t go out/him come in to have a chat, but the fact that he remembered when he saw me was nice. I know birthdays come up on FB and all, but I still wouldn’t have remembered to say Happy Birthday to him if I had seen him around on Monday. I think.

My friends got me lovely presents. Aisling made a really pretty box in my favourite purple colour, with Happy Birthday written on the front in beads and buttons and ribbons and the like. Inside was a navy and green scarf from Topshop, a purple purse from Topshop, Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Prejudice’, the DVD ‘Once’, and  Adrian Crowley’s album ‘Long Distance Swimmer’ from my favourite shop in the whole world, Plugd Records. And on the back of the album cover, is two little messages from Jim and Albert of Plugd. I love it so, so, so much. Thank you, my amazing friends 🙂

And there’s my Chriscringle present and another little birthday present to come today, if we ever manage to get into town with this fecking ice/snow and lack of buses. Ugh.. Aisling and I are supposed to be going buskin an’all..

My mum’ll expect me to ‘help’ around the house today. The plans are to go to Tralee to my mum’s family tomorrow morning but who know’s what will happen if the roads are dodge. We also have to find a babysitter for the three dogs, four hens and one fish, and one of the doggies is a bit sick so I don’t really want to leave him. He has a very bad stomach, poor pet. 😦

Birthdays and Christmas make you realise who your real friends are, and who the nicest, most thoughtful people are if circumstances mean that being friends just isn’t possible…

Christmas, and the people it brings.

I like Christmas, and pretty much everything about it, but my absolute favourite thing about Christmas is how it brings everyone home. Yesterday was one of the nicest days in town. I saw lots of people, but the ‘highlight’, so to speak, was seeing a person who has moved across the water and who I haven’t seen in a long time.

We were queuing up to get waffles with chocolate sauce and I looked out of Winthrop Arcade and saw this person. It was like everything and everyone else disappeared and I ran across the street shouting his name. He put down whatever he was carrying and gave me a hug. It was nice, so unbelievably nice. I knew this person pretty damn well, but due to age differences and the like we haven’t exactly kept in contact or met up the odd time he comes home. But we chatted, and it was like he had never moved away. It’s been a few years, and I guess we’ve both changed, but it was still comfortingly familiar. He’s one of those people you can just talk to, and laugh with, and it’s easy and so, so lovely.

That really made my day.

It also made me think about this sense of home that exists at Christmas. Students who are dispersed around in various colleges nationwide, and even worldwide, come home to their mammies. People who are living their own independent lives become children again. Everyone’s looking for presents for their friends and family. It’s like Christmas unites everyone together, and we’re all the same again.

And seeing people you miss, it’s just the best.

In other unrelated news, I passed the Theory Test today, with full marks may I add! I went for a coffee and a scone beforehand in my favourite coffee shop and one of the guys who works there noticed. He was telling me how he only did it earlier in the year, and then wished me luck as I was leaving. Later on, I went back with a few friends, and as soon as I was in the door, he shouted down to me and asked me had I passed. That was nice. Things like that make me smile.

Going into Plugd today also made me smile. Aside from Albert being nice, there was a first-time customer in there, who wasn’t used to Albert’s quirky sense of humour and his various phrases. She got a bit confused, but was very funny about it, and decided that she loved the place and would be back. Then Albert said ‘We’re closing at the end of the month.’ It was interesting how he can still make a joke of such a horrible issue, and how everyone laughed.

Christmas holidays are deadly.

Early mornings and long days

I don’t like culchie buses. In fact, I don’t like any type of bus. But rural buses are alot worse than city buses. So when I have a day off (like today) but my parents have work, I get a lift with one of them as far as a ‘city’ bus stop and end up being the first teenager in town. I think I hold some sort of record. Not that I live in the middle of nowhere, far from it to be fair. It takes 4 minutes in the car to get me to a bus stop, but that 4 minutes of road is a little too treacherous to walk or cycle.

So this morning I was in town at 9am. It’s not as bad as it sounds, I swear. I just sat in my favourite coffee shop from 9am til 11am, then decided I had just about outstayed my welcome and left to go to the GPO and post my mother’s Christmas cards. I just avoided developing frostbite as I crossed the bridge and down Oliver Plunkett Street. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see the GPO. After that little sojourn was complete, off I went to Plugd for a sconce around, stopping en route to chat to a few friends who were collecting for SHARE. My excuse for not being so socially aware is that I had forgotten to wear my Uggs. Pumps are not a sensible choice in -3.5 degree weather. There were icicles, yes ICICLES, hanging from the fountain on Grand Parade.

Plugd was nice. The door was closed ‘cos it was so cold, which gives the place a nice homely feel. I bought a CD, which I want, but is going to be used as the Christmas present for the ‘rents, and also bought Albert a coffee. And gave him my copy of The Cork News so he can frame my quote..

I bought a pair of shoes in Dunnes, black pumps with studs and sequins, and met up with my friends. More coffee followed, along with personal cake recommendations from one of the ‘baristas’ in Coffee Roasters. Back to Plugd for more Christmas shopping, and the like. Tried on 3 skirts in Topshop.

First one isn’t online, so no pics, but here’s the other two:

http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=19551&storeId=12556&categoryId=167997&parent_category_rn=85550&productId=1401768&langId=-1

and

http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=19551&storeId=12556&categoryId=167997&parent_category_rn=85550&productId=1341464&langId=-1

(For some reason I can’t make those links look pretty so you’ll have to make do.)

Well any opinions? Tried both on with grey tights and aforementioned pumps, along with my grey jacket. Can’t decide which on though…

Then my mother text me and told me to come home so I couldn’t ask my friends who were with me either. And the bus driver was mean to us when we asked for halves. Then he drove ridiculously fast over the ramps on College Road and I thought I was going to die.

Also I should be at a ‘drowling’ party now. ‘What’s drowling?’ I hear you ask.. None other than drunk bowling. Check that shit…