Open letter #?

Dear X,

Sometimes I regret it. I shouldn’t have used you like I did because it got all mixed up in my head. I wasn’t really using you, but it worked out in the end that I was because of the consequences.

If the aftermath had been different, then maybe it would have worked. I can’t say for sure. I wonder alot about the ‘what ifs’ and the coulds and might have beens.

I’m sorry if I hurt you, or just annoyed you, or made you hate me. Wait, no. That’s kind of selfish. If you hate me, then you’re entitled to do that. I can be a pretty mean person.

Aside from all of this, though, you made me realise some stuff. You don’t know this, but you did. And it more than likely isn’t something that you meant to do, but I know it’s something I had to learn at some point. So thanks. You were the catalyst. It’s something I knew I’d have to decide on sooner or later, and it just so happened that you were the one who cleared the fog from my vision.

I hate how it worked out. I don’t miss you, but I miss what I never got to know. Now I’m looking for another one of you, because I think I need someone like you. It was just bad timing. It always is though, isn’t it? You want what you can’t have, but then if you do get it you don’t want it, and then you lose it and you want it again. Maybe that law is just there so when you do get someone, and you’re happy and you never want to let go, that’s when you know it’s love? Not necessarily one’s soulmate, but someone you love. Wow I’m so weepy and emotional-sounding when I write it’s ridiculous.

Yeah that’s it.

Niamh.

(This is extremely over-exaggerated and I am now laughing.)

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